Letter From Mackenzie

Posted by Judith Kastle on

Hi Clay! 

LOL hi. I know we talk every single day, but I felt compelled to send an email this morning. As you know, I am a regular and long time listener of your podcast, as it has truly changed my life. On one of your most recent episodes you talked about divine discontentment and it has resonated with me so deeply. Last year I experienced divine discontentment and it was unlike anything I have ever felt. Discontentment has a bad rap in AA where I am from. I was raised in a program where when you’re feeling discontent it means you’re doing something wrong or you’re not doing enough of what you should be doing. I was raised to believe that discontentment = shame. So as you can imagine, (and as you already know) it was very wild to feel a feeling of discontentment but know that it truly was divine, exactly as you put it. It was God telling me “I have something bigger for you. You might not know what it is yet but it will surely blow your mind.” Well God wasn’t wrong. As you know, this past year my entire life has changed in every single way possible. I didn’t resist these changes, instead I embraced them trusting and believing that God knows exactly what is best for me. I really do believe that today. Today I have a life way beyond my wildest dreams, no thanks to “Mackenzie’s will”. 

You talked about the caterpillar transforming into a butterfly. Wow. As you know, I am a teacher and for the past few weeks we have been watching caterpillars turn into a chrysalis and then transform into butterflies. My students were really concerned at first because they had never seen anything like this. One student even said “but is that really what the caterpillar wants?!?!?!” Lol I’m not joking. I then went on to give a little lesson that may have been way over their heads. I talked about how sometimes (always) in life things turn out even greater than what we have planned. We may not know what is going to happen- in fact we actually never know for sure what’s going to happen in the future but it always works out. It’s always perfect. I explained to them that the caterpillars’ purpose in life is much more than just being caterpillars, just as they also have a purpose much greater than they even know. I felt good about this discussion, even though I was looked at like I have 107 heads. My students are 4 and 5 years old.

I have done this experiment with students in the past, but for some reason this year I have been really obsessed with our caterpillars as they transform into butterflies. It really has had me thinking about my life this past year and how left to my own devices, I sell myself short. Left to my own devices, I would stay a caterpillar, I would settle. I would be unaware that God has planned for me to not only transform, but to have wings. Of course you put out an episode literally talking about the exact phenomenon that I have been truly obsessed with. This happens often with your show. Too many times to even count have you done a show on something I needed to hear, or something I have been thinking about. 

Thank you for starting your little podcast which has not only changed my life but has brought me to you, one of the most important people in my world. 

Love you forever,